Sunday, February 23, 2014

Sign or Coincidence?


Today I started the day out with a nice workout at the gym that left me feeling recharged and positive. It made me think of all the weekends when I would roll out of bed well before the crack of dawn to get a workout in, and how you would always try so hard to talk me out of going and to just cuddle for the morning. You won sometimes but I wish I would have given in every time, or that you were here this morning to beg me not to leave and to stay and cuddle. I have been approached in the gym by different members of the boot camp that you were a part of. Every single person that came up to me told me how determined you were, how they never even had a clue that you were going through any of this and how sweet you were. This was no surprise to me at all; your strength, courage and determination still amaze me to this day. You have inspired me so much baby and you continue to do so in spirit.  
I always talked to you about finishing the tattoos I have under my arms but never really finalized any ideas that I came up with.  I decided to finish the additions as a memorial piece in honor of both you and my father who passed away 14 years ago December 18th. The happiest day of our lives is part of the piece, and this day is so much more meaningful and special than the dark day that you left. March 30th 2012, our wedding date is written under one arm. I also incorporated the scripture that we both grew fond of after you were diagnosed. This was also one of my father’s favorite verses, as I saw it in his bible study notes that my mom shared with me. Isaiah 40:31 “But they that wait upon the lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up on wings as eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.”  This very same verse is going to be engraved on the back of the memorial stone I’m designing for the cemetery. This is not your resting place, as I believe you are in heaven so this is just a place for us to go and reflect on your beauty and all of the fond memories shared together. 
This was one of our weekend adventures to Charleston S.C.
Lately all the ideas and things that I feel are on my heart to do in honor of you have been happening with crazy signs, hints or coincidences. After finishing the Tattoos I went to see Blake and Morgan’s new home for a while and visit with “your” baby Jack (who is growing like a weed hooked up to a miracle grow IV). While there visiting, I got a text from the tattoo artist saying she was so touched by the story and was sharing it with her babysitter. Her babysitter asked her “is their last name Dill?” It turns out she was one of the nurses that took care of you in the hospital. Another one that happened this week was in an email between your mother and I. I write a lot now, sharing some of it and saving the rest to a file on my computer to reflect on later down the road. Your mom saw a post that I had written for your Birthday and E-mailed me telling me thank you for loving Adrienne so much and that she loved my writing, that it had so much love behind it. What she told me next gave me the goose bumps… She said you should truly think about writing a book and you could call it “Letters to Adrienne.” Well,  the name of the file that I have on my computer and email account that I save all of my thoughts and writings to is named “Letters to Adrienne,” which was created before she told me this! I pray that these are all signs from God, and from you to help guide me and show me what it is you want me to do helping me to stay the course, and follow the path I am meant to. “I Love you to the stars and back.” I could really use a sweet kiss from my beautiful wife, but if you send me a sweet dream instead I would be more than ok with that. With all that I am, and all of my love, always and forever.
Jess
 

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