I recently lost my beautiful wife of a year and a half to the wicked and ugly disease melanoma. These are shared stories and thoughts of loss, pain, love and beauty from a heartbroken husband about his lovely wife who left this world far too early. Sharing these memories, whether they are lovely or dark helps me cope and allows family and friends some insight to what has become my reality. This blog is also a way for me to continue on her lagacy and honor her.
Friday, March 28, 2014
Our Goddaughter Stella
An awesome gift from Tim & Melissa
I am currently on a flight back to Atlanta from Seattle, slowly making my way home. It gets harder and harder to leave each time I visit the West coast... Maybe a one way ticket next time would work better...??? I pray about it all the time but until i get a distinct answer I will not be making any irrational decisions although I could say that I have a legit excuse to do so. There are many amazing people we have been blessed to have in our lives here in Georgia that would be very difficult to leave.
March 22nd was our Goddaughter Stella's 4th Birthday. I tried to do my best and get her good gifts without having you to help me. This was definitely your department and you always said that I was a bad gift shopper especially at Christmas. I guess you never got over the pair of "grandma shoes" that I got you a few years back. Believe it or not I am getting better at it. Stella LOVES her necklace that I gave her and only took it off a few times while I was in town visiting. I read her the notes engraved on the crystal, as well as the picture frame that I got her. It makes me so happy that she talks about you so much and remembers you. It still hurts though because at times I don't think she fully understands that you will not be here in person to spoil her, love on her and support her as she grows up. We had an Uncle J. and Stella day together like we always do when I visit and I made sure to talk about allot reminding her of all the memories she still has of you. I am amazed at how much she remembers. I will be sure to talk of you often and always keep your memory and love alive to all those you held dear.
Playing tourist for the week in Seattle brought back some very fond memories of the times I brought you with me to visit and meet family. The last time we were in Seattle I proposed to you at the Christmas light show in Bellevue. Mom and I went to your favorite Teriyaki place TWO times while I was there and she is now hooked as well. I think it is the garlic sauce because she was pretty much eating it with a spoon. Sorry mom. Mom, Heather and Nathanial miss you so much too and I sense that they are really worried about me.
I hiked Twin Falls while I was in town and it was so peaceful, and refreshing. I went off the trail a little bit to sit at ledge about 60ft up overlooking the falls. I sat here quite some time reflecting and praying. The beauty of this place along with the sounds was so comforting to me and it made me feel as if you were right there with me. I listened to some good tunes that remind me of you too so that helped. Overall this was a successful trip and it refueled my heart with love. It still always seems like a temporary fix or high though until I return home without you there waiting for me like you always would be and still should be. I love you Adrienne and my heart is still so broken. Please help me see clearly any answers to my prayers as to what is next.... My mind is still too jumbled to put all of the pieces together on my own. Jess