Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Charleston 1/2 Marathon & Detour On My Way Home

These last few weeks, actually months have seamed to float right on by like a leaf being swept away by the flowing current of a river. Over a year and a month have passed by since the day I had to say goodbye to my wife and life companion. Some days it feels like this was all just yesterday as the pains are still so real and others it feels like an eternity.

I am still staying busier than ever sometimes because its all that pacifies the pain and sometimes without even knowing I am doing so. There have been many weeks & weekends that I have felt as if I was standing outside watching my life pass by hardly capable of making the decisions before me. This overwhelming feeling is still lingering around but I am learning to control it more and trust in the decisions that I make even if they do not feel comfortable or in place so to speak. One major thing that has helped with this is to set goals or tasks continuously and work towards achieving them one buy one, checking them off as I reach them.

With one year gone it feels kind of like I am the last one standing trying to pick up the pieces from the wreckage, all the dust has settled, or that the tremendous amounts of support has started to slowly fade away and it is assumed that I am "good to go again." I know that many friends or family members still struggle with the loss of Adrienne still and will for years to come but I am just sharing my true feelings as a survivor, a husband who lost his wife and that ugly word that I hate so much, a widower... This new year brings new struggles but also with it new beginnings, new hopes, new dreams and hopefully joy & happiness.

I decided to start the year off right with another 1/2 marathon in downtown Charleston S.C. I am so grateful that I found this outlet to vent, escape and to clear my mind on a daily basis. It truly helps me to keep positive, forget or push aside negativity & most importantly that we are much more capable than we give ourselves credit for. Find whatever it is that brings this happiness & clarity to your life and run with it.

As I was on the road home from Charleston I saw a sign for Savannah.... Without thinking twice I was taking the off ramp heading that way. With no work on Monday I was wondering why I was heading home anyways. The sun was shining, I still had a runners high and know that many times in the past, these spontaneous trips with Adrienne were by far my favorite. I watched the Seattle Sea hawks football game in the warmth of the sun, sitting at a beach front Tiki Hut that I once sat at with Adrienne by my side.

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