Monday, March 30, 2015

3 Year Wedding Anniversary

Today marks what would have been 3 years of marriage shared together. Its so hard to believe that our wedding day was 3 years ago today, but its even harder to grasp the fact that of those 3 anniversaries, we only had the opportunity to share 1 together. Adrienne was diagnosed the month after our 1 year anniversary, little did we know that was the first and last anniversary we would share side by side.

I spent all morning going through our old wedding pictures and trying to find comfort in those beautiful memories. More so today than normal my mind drifts back to some of those painful what ifs that we often ask ourselves when questioning a situation or outcome to hardships in our lives. "What if she was here to celebrate today? Would we have had our first child by now? Where would we live and what all would have changed?" These questions keep repeating themselves over and over again, only to be answered by the silence of my deep thoughts. These things that once used to be so concrete and sure in my life are now just unanswered questions, the "whys or what ifs." I have gotten much better with dealing with the negative thoughts and trying to question things I am incapable of controlling but today's significance makes that an unachievable task.

I remember so many details of our wedding day as if it happened just yesterday. One that frequently comes to mind is our "first look." I was blindfolded and guided to a park outside of our hotel room where I would wait for Adrienne to arrive in her wedding dress. The first thing I felt was her hands grabbing mine, and then her soft kiss. I will never forget the moment she removed the tie that was covering my eyes, revealing how stunning she was in her beautiful white dress. Her smile ear to ear, I remember just a little shake in her voice due to the nerves of the days events. I whispered in her ear that I love her and that it was just her and I, that it would always be her and I. It is extremely difficult without you here by my side and the simplest of choices still carry much more burden than they ever did before.

1 comment:

  1. Many congratulations your 3rd wedding anniversary! I hope you had wonderful time with your better half. My first anniversary is about to come and we are planning to celebrate this day at the best DC venues.