Saturday, June 13, 2015

A Year and a Half...


So this is a year and a half...

I woke up this morning around 6 am and stumbled while looking through one sleepy eye all the way to my coffee maker in the kitchen. I brewed a cup of Joe to sip on while reading and sorting through mail that accumulated while I was away on my Scotland/Ireland trip. As I scrolled through my calendar looking at due dates for bills or upcoming appointments I noticed todays date.... I don't know why but it still gets me every single time I see it! The 13th used to be just a regular old day but now it is such a cold chilling painful reminder.

When I start to get blindsided by the overflow of emotions and the negative thoughts, the dates, the reminders or whatever it may be I tend to just run! Well today my escape came in the form of my mountain bike on the Riverside trail for 10 miles of sweat, music and sorting through thoughts. As soon as my thoughts started to shift towards sadness and grief I strapped on my bike shoes and was out the door before I had a chance to sit on the couch and waste the day away.

Some days I don't know if I am wrong or if I am right but I have been told that embracing what you are feeling in the very moment during your grief is healthy. There are many days where I feel as if I cannot even trust my own judgment to make decisions but like I have done for the past year and a half I will continue to put one foot in front of the other in hopes that I will soon be comfortable and completely happy with life like I once was not long ago.