Thursday, July 23, 2015

Sorting Through Memorabilia

Since moving into my new home just over a year ago, I have had an entire closet of boxes that I avoided opening and sorting through due to their contents and the pain it could bring. These were assorted items from our wedding day, from our first home together, pictures from the many years we spent together and other assorted memorabilia that I had not found the strength to go through since I lost Adrienne. These items to me represent our entire life together, from movie ticket stubs I saved from our very first date up to some of the last notes that I received from her.

Somehow this evening I mustered up the courage to dive into this closet of towering boxes, opening them one at a time. While listening to music I slowly sorted through each one, reading old cards, looking at photos and trying to relive some of those moments or memories that we shared together. We looked like babies when we first started dating and what started as a puppy love developed over time, into something very special that I am forever grateful for having had the opportunity to experience.

I found an old visor CD case with Adrienne's personally created play lists and started listening to them. Just about every CD contained a song or two from Incubus, Graham Colton Band and Lady Antebellum. These songs took me back to one of the very first nights we hung out together, sitting in the car listening to her music and talking for hours. I also came across some old notes and even some poems that I would text her throughout the day just because she was on my mind. I did not know it but she wrote them on post it notes and I found a handful of them mixed in with her college study material. All of these moments and all of these memories up to the very last time that I held her hand will forever be burned into my mind. Although it has gotten a little easier to find joy in all of these sweet little memories it is still so very hard to keep going on without the one person I needed by my side the most through this journey of life. One day at a time, One step at a time. Focusing on each baby step prevents becoming overwhelmed so this is what I will continue to do for as long as it takes.

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