Friday, January 22, 2016

Broken Road

Through out the duration of the grieving process I have found it difficult to allow myself to truly be happy. Not fake it, but just let my heart feel that true pure joy. At times I have felt incapable of such. 

If God brought someone into my life that opened my heart again and let that light in.... If... What if... What would I tell my dearly loved in laws knowing without a doubt that they want me to be happy I still worry so much about them. I know when they see me all they see is their precious daughter. Thoughts of the words to tell them if this day were to come have crossed my mind many days. Long story short, I sat down to write a letter. This is what I gave to Adrienne's parents, my in laws and forever second set of parents. 

Walter & Jackie, my second set of parents 

Walter & Jackie, I just want to start this letter off by letting you know how much I love and look up to you both. You will forever remain my beloved in-laws and I am so very blessed to have you both in my life through all that it brings, the ups downs and in-betweens.  Wherever this journey should lead just know that you’re family and always will be. The support the two of you have shown me over the years is something that I am forever grateful for and even more so knowing that I will always have you both by my side. 

These last few years have been extremely difficult for all of us as we went through something that no parent, brother or newlywed husband should ever have endure.  I absolutely adored Adrienne and promise to love and honor her memory for the rest of my life no matter what it brings my way. She will never be replaced and will forever be a part of me in all that I do. With that being said, this journey has been very hard for me realizing that I am not as good at living on my own as I thought and I don’t think that I want to do it alone. The entire “dating again” idea is not something that I have taken lightly at all and it’s such a delicate step in my journey and I understand this so it brought me to writing you this letter. 

Out of the tremendous respect that I have for you, I wanted to be the first to tell you that I am seeing someone and her name is Ali. There are actually two people involved, you see because Ali has an amazing little boy named Brady that looks just like his Father. Unfortunately Brady’s father & Ali’s husband Drew, was taken to heaven shortly after Adrienne so they have been through a great deal in the last few years just like we have. They are nothing short of amazing. 

Ali and her family have been friends of mine over the years since High school but as life becomes busy it sort of sends us all separate ways so we lost touch for a little while. When we lost Adrienne they reached out to me offering support & love which was the first I had talked to them in quite some time. Just a short 6 Months later Ali & Brady had to say goodbye to their everything, their father, husband & best friend. Just having gone through something all too familiar and painful I could not understand exactly what she was going through, but I could offer support and share testimony’s of what had taken place over the last 6 months in my life. What started as friendship years ago has now become something more that we have just recently talked about sharing with “Our In Laws.”  She too has forever in-laws that she is writing a letter to because she shares the same love and respect for them as I do for you. 

We do not know what tomorrow will bring & this is something that we have learned firsthand but one thing I am certain of is that I want to be happy again but also want to share that happiness with someone again.  
Love Unconditionally, 

I do not know what the future has in store but this is the first time I can truthfully say that I in this very moment I am happy and willing to accept it with open arms & heart.