Friday, January 22, 2016

Broken Road

Through out the duration of the grieving process I have found it difficult to allow myself to truly be happy. Not fake it, but just let my heart feel that true pure joy. At times I have felt incapable of such. 

If God brought someone into my life that opened my heart again and let that light in.... If... What if... What would I tell my dearly loved in laws knowing without a doubt that they want me to be happy I still worry so much about them. I know when they see me all they see is their precious daughter. Thoughts of the words to tell them if this day were to come have crossed my mind many days. Long story short, I sat down to write a letter. This is what I gave to Adrienne's parents, my in laws and forever second set of parents. 


Walter & Jackie, my second set of parents 

Walter & Jackie, I just want to start this letter off by letting you know how much I love and look up to you both. You will forever remain my beloved in-laws and I am so very blessed to have you both in my life through all that it brings, the ups downs and in-betweens.  Wherever this journey should lead just know that you’re family and always will be. The support the two of you have shown me over the years is something that I am forever grateful for and even more so knowing that I will always have you both by my side. 

These last few years have been extremely difficult for all of us as we went through something that no parent, brother or newlywed husband should ever have endure.  I absolutely adored Adrienne and promise to love and honor her memory for the rest of my life no matter what it brings my way. She will never be replaced and will forever be a part of me in all that I do. With that being said, this journey has been very hard for me realizing that I am not as good at living on my own as I thought and I don’t think that I want to do it alone. The entire “dating again” idea is not something that I have taken lightly at all and it’s such a delicate step in my journey and I understand this so it brought me to writing you this letter. 

Out of the tremendous respect that I have for you, I wanted to be the first to tell you that I am seeing someone and her name is Ali. There are actually two people involved, you see because Ali has an amazing little boy named Brady that looks just like his Father. Unfortunately Brady’s father & Ali’s husband Drew, was taken to heaven shortly after Adrienne so they have been through a great deal in the last few years just like we have. They are nothing short of amazing. 

Ali and her family have been friends of mine over the years since High school but as life becomes busy it sort of sends us all separate ways so we lost touch for a little while. When we lost Adrienne they reached out to me offering support & love which was the first I had talked to them in quite some time. Just a short 6 Months later Ali & Brady had to say goodbye to their everything, their father, husband & best friend. Just having gone through something all too familiar and painful I could not understand exactly what she was going through, but I could offer support and share testimony’s of what had taken place over the last 6 months in my life. What started as friendship years ago has now become something more that we have just recently talked about sharing with “Our In Laws.”  She too has forever in-laws that she is writing a letter to because she shares the same love and respect for them as I do for you. 

We do not know what tomorrow will bring & this is something that we have learned firsthand but one thing I am certain of is that I want to be happy again but also want to share that happiness with someone again.  
Love Unconditionally, 
Jesse 

I do not know what the future has in store but this is the first time I can truthfully say that I in this very moment I am happy and willing to accept it with open arms & heart.
  

12 comments:

  1. Jesse, I've been following you for quite some time, in fact since I lost my husband! I have to say Jesse, I have not been this HAPPY FOR ANYONE IN SUCH A LONG TIME!!!
    ALL OF MY PRAYERS go out to you, Ali & BRADY!! I hope you all find SO MUCH HAPPINESS!! You Jesse, DESERVE IT & I'm quite sure Ali & Brady deserve you as well!!!
    Please keep the rest of us 'struggling to find love' Widow's updated? At least we can live somewhat vicariously through you & Ali!!
    The letter you wrote to your in laws, your other family, was fantastic! I too, love my in-laws JUST LIKE THEY ARE MY OWN FAMILY!! AND, THEY TREAT ME SO, SO GOOD!!!!
    Again Jesse, VERY, VERY HAPPY FOR YOU!!!! GOD BLESS!!!!

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    1. Thank you thank you thank you Michele! My heart is full of joy again when many times in the last 2 years, I thought it was not capable.
      I have been so busy that I set aside the writing and updates but soon hope to get back on and send updates on life.
      I hope all is well with you!

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  3. You never know what tender mercies are in store down the road. It's only years later when we look back that we see how the puzzle pieces fit together. We understand the design of our lives that was taking place without our understanding. It suddenly makes more sense and gratitude washes over us.

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    1. That is so true Veronica. I felt like I was completely blinded by the grief and the hurt for so long. These words mean so much to me and hold so much truth! Thank you!

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  4. Hi Jesse,

    Your words are very touching. You deserve to be happy and I am certain that Adrienne would agree with me.

    I appreciate you sharing your story and helping others come to terms with their loss. Revealing your feeling really helps in the process of feeling.

    I am Wishing you more blessings, happiness, and love!

    Jayson

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    1. Hi Jayson,

      Thank you! I have finally come to the realization and know that she would agree as well. It took some time but I can finally see that now.
      Sharing it has helped me tremendously and continues to do so as I look back and read old posts. I see progress but still feel that raw emotion like it was all yesterday which will forever keep me from taking anything for granted.
      Thank you so much. I greatly appreciate it!

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  5. Aw. This is so beautiful I could cry!

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  6. Jesse, I re-read your letter to your 'other family', your in laws! Your a very lucky man! Unfortunately my wonderful, kind hearted, beautiful husband had 3 older children, 2 who refused to talk to him when he married me. His parents sided with my husband of course, but now he's been gone 2 years, 5 months & 2 days, it seems bygones are bygones with the kids unforgivable behavior toward their Dad? It's killing me inside but I'm keeping my distance & keeping my mouth shut!
    I mean introducing their mothers boyfriend as their 'Father' in front of their Grandparents? Their own son? Seems a bit disrespectful to me, but maybe I'm just 'old & was brought up with values & respect?
    My pain is still so very raw & I some days feels as though I could lay down in 'our bed' & just go to sleep & die & go straight to Heaven where My Precious Husband is waiting for me!
    Jesse, do you believe you can love someone so very much that you could possibly die from a broken heart? I feel I'm dying a little more ever day, without my Bobby. I weighed 186 lbs when he passed, I now weigh appx 118 lbs & losing more everyday???
    I'm happy for y'all Jesse & thank you for listening! If it weren't for you, I'd be talking to me 3 Doxies!!!
    Peace fellow widower������

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  7. Jesse, I re-read your letter to your 'other family', your in laws! Your a very lucky man! Unfortunately my wonderful, kind hearted, beautiful husband had 3 older children, 2 who refused to talk to him when he married me. His parents sided with my husband of course, but now he's been gone 2 years, 5 months & 2 days, it seems bygones are bygones with the kids unforgivable behavior toward their Dad? It's killing me inside but I'm keeping my distance & keeping my mouth shut!
    I mean introducing their mothers boyfriend as their 'Father' in front of their Grandparents? Their own son? Seems a bit disrespectful to me, but maybe I'm just 'old & was brought up with values & respect?
    My pain is still so very raw & I some days feels as though I could lay down in 'our bed' & just go to sleep & die & go straight to Heaven where My Precious Husband is waiting for me!
    Jesse, do you believe you can love someone so very much that you could possibly die from a broken heart? I feel I'm dying a little more ever day, without my Bobby. I weighed 186 lbs when he passed, I now weigh appx 118 lbs & losing more everyday???
    I'm happy for y'all Jesse & thank you for listening! If it weren't for you, I'd be talking to me 3 Doxies!!!
    Peace fellow widower������

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